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Can you help somebody today?

December 3, 2012 by Leave a Comment

The other day, I was checking out Facebook, and I came across a video that I will share below.  The caption that somebody put with the video captivated me a bit, and made me want to check out the video and see what it was all about.  As it turned out, watching the video really changed my life for that day.

The video was about sharing with others, or helping others in some way.  Actually, I already try to live my life in this way, doing charitable things, or helping people when I can.  I often find that helping people in unexpected ways brightens up their day, and that really makes me feel good.  So, the video didn’t really change the way I live my life, rather it reminded me that I need to do this more often, and it also made me commit that day to go out and do a few random acts of helpfulness.

In fact, in the comments area, I challenged others to make the same commitment – to go out on that day and do a few unexpected acts of kindness, and several people made the commitment.

Kindness is a smart thing!

Kindness is a smart thing!

You know, if enough of us made such a commitment and actually did do acts of kindness and help, it would spread.  We could be the catalyst that brings this practice to others, influences them to make a difference too.  I have decided that I am going to try to do nice things for people more often.  Even just small things, no matter if the thing you do is big or small, if it has a positive impact on somebody, it is a good thing!

How about you, can you commit to do nice things for people?  If you do, I can guarantee it will change your life for the better!  I know it has done that for me.

If you have not done it already, watch the video above.  If you do, I am sure that you will do some nice things today!

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Friendship is a two way street

November 16, 2012 by 6 Comments

Having friends is a good thing.

Having friends is an important thing.

I have a lot of friends in my life. Some friends are more important than others. Some friends are like family. Actually, I guess, some friends are even closer than family. There’s an old saying that friends are the family that you get to choose. With family, you’re born with them, whether you like it or not. With friends, you certainly get to choose, and even choose which friends are the very close ones.

I have a very close friend, Bebe. Yesterday morning she sent me a text message telling me that her mother was very sick and was near death.  I told her that I was so sorry that her mother was sick and that I would keep her in my thoughts.  My friend told me that both her mother and the rest of the family were ready for the pending death, because the illness was very bad.  Last night I got news that her mother had died. It was very sad news, but as that earlier text had said, it was expected. But, even death that is expected is not easy.

A very close friend

A very close friend

I sent several messages to my friend last night, and she knew that I was thinking about her. I was unable to go see her last night, because I was also away at an activity for one of my children. But we did communicate via text message. This morning, I went to Facebook and left a message for my friend there as well. While I was on my friend’s Facebook page, I noticed that she had ” like” one of my Facebook pages. Now, this was a page that really my friend had no interest in. But, she liked it because she is my close friend, and she was supporting me. Of course, I was also supporting her by leaving a message on her Facebook page regarding the death of her mother. It was at that point, that I realized, friendship is a two-way street. We do things to support our friends, especially the close ones. And for me, this particular friend is a very close friend. Over the years, I know that I have done many things to support this friend. Maybe it was just a kind word, maybe some more substantial type of help. Whatever it was that I could do to help her I always did it. And she has always done the same for me as well. Not in financial ways, but just on a personal level. This friend has always, always been very supportive of me.

Over the years, I have said many times that this particular friend is like a sister to me. I don’t have a real sister, I used to, but she passed away at a young age. That’s one reason why this particular friend has been very special to me.

After my experience this morning of visiting my friend’s Facebook page and feeling our two-way system of support for each other, it really drove home the point to me how special a friend she is.

It’s important for all of us remember that friendship is a two-way street. If we want a friend to be close to us, we also have to be close to them. We have to do a weekend to support our friends, and you can be sure that if they truly are a close friend they will do what they can to support you as well.

Yes, having friends is a good thing. Offering support for your friend, whatever type of support it may be, is an important habit to get into.

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Choose happiness

October 17, 2012 by Leave a Comment

I believe that for the most part, it is our choice whether we are happy or unhappy in life.  I choose to be happy.

I say “for the most part” because there is no such thing as perfect 100% 24/7 happiness.  But, we can achieve general happiness where we are on balance happy.  Of course, bad things happen to everybody, but even some bad things can, in the end, bring us happiness.  It just depends on how we choose to deal with our problems.  Somebody once told me that problems are just opportunities for us, and how we choose to handle those opportunities determines the outcome and how such problems, er.. opportunities affect us in the long run.  I believe that is true.

About 15 or more years ago, I decided that I wanted to live in the Philippines.  I am American, and lived in the USA for most of my life.  My wife, though, is from the Philippines.  It took a few years after realizing that I wanted to move to the Philippines before we were able to do so.  I was surprised, after moving to the Philippines, when I discovered that adjusting to life in the Philippines was a major adjustment.  In many ways, I was not happy with my life in the Philippines.  My wife wasn’t either.  Basically, at this point of realization, we determined that we had a few choices:

  1. Move back to the States
  2. Continue to be unhappy with life
  3. Make changes in our lives that would make us happier

We chose to stay in the Philippines and make adjustments.  We made changes in the way that we lived, in our outlook on life, to make our lives more happy.

I choose happiness

I choose happiness

After living in the Philippines for a while, we realized that although we had been seeking paradise by moving to the Philippines, there is no paradise on earth.  No place is perfect, every place on earth has it’s own problems.  The Philippines is no exception.

Yesterday, I was reading my news feed on Facebook.  One of my friends, whom will remain nameless here, posted something on his Facebook wall, a very long rant about living in the Philippines.  This fellow is also American, and has been living in the Philippines for 2 or 3 years now (I have been here 12+ years).  This post had a lot of disappointment and dissatisfaction in it.  It seemed, by what he wrote, that everything about living here was a negative.  A few other expats who live in the Philippines followed up with comments that reinforced what my friend wrote, basically saying that living here is very bad, the local people are thieves, etc.  I remember getting those feelings from time to time back in the days before I decided to be happy with my life instead of soaking in the sadness of the bad sides of life in the Philippines.

The thing is, once I decided to be happy, I chose to overlook, or ignore those things that bothered me about living here.  I chose to concentrate more on the things that made me happy about life here.  I decided that instead of just feeling negative about the things that were bad here, it would be better to try to understand those things better.

I think that sometimes, we Americans (maybe other nationalities too) think that the way that we choose to do things is the best.  The way that they do many things here is very counter intuitive to the way we are used to seeing things done.  Instead of thinking that they way it is done here is “stupid,” a common thought among foreigners living here, I chose to try to understand that the way they do things here is different, not necessarily better or worse.  My friend who posted that message on Facebook is just getting to the point in his life here that he will need to confront that same issue.  He needs to understand that things are different here, not better, not worse, not stupid, just different.  If we chose not to understand or like the way things are done, why live here at all if we are not happy.

Being happy is a choice.  If you are unhappy, it is best to chose to make changes in your life that will bring you happiness, rather than just feel bad about being unhappy in your life.

If you choose to be happy, does that mean you never have a bad day?  Come on.. get real!  You will always have bad days.  That does not change.  The change is in how you deal with those bad days.  Maybe if you choose the proper ways to deal with bad things, you can bring improvement through bad events.  Maybe you can learn how to deal with such an event next time it will happen.  Learning is good.  Happiness is good.  Wallowing in your trouble is not good, in fact, it will only multiply your unhappiness.

Good luck to you, my friend.  I hope that you will find a way to enjoy life in the Philippines more, or move on to a different place that fits you better.  Be happy… you deserve it.

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The saga continues, and possibly ends

October 12, 2012 by 8 Comments

Over the past 6 months or so, I have written on this site and some of my other websites about Arnie and Irish.  Arnie and Irish are two young girls that we befriended some months back.  You can find my story about them here on Habits for Smart People, by going to Helping others sometimes has consequences.  Basically, Arnie and Irish came to our house one day looking for recyclable materials that they could sell and make a bit of money so they could buy some food to eat.

Arnie is 9 years old and Irish is 6.  They both look to be about half of their age, due to malnutrition, and general neglect.  Their family has no money.  They have told us that if they are lucky they get to eat a small amount of rice once per day, but no other foods.

Irish enjoying ice cream

Irish enjoying ice cream

After the girls came to our house looking for things they could sell, my wife and kids befriended them.  They invited the girls inside and gave them some food to eat.  The girls started coming back here regularly, because we fed them.  It was on their second visit that I met them, and really fell in love with them.  Soon after meeting them, we were able to get ahold of their mom, and we gave the mother a job, working at our house.  That lasted only a short time, the mother ended up quitting her job here.

It was after the mother quit working that I wrote my previous article, and at the time we were unsure if we would see the girls again.  We hoped that we would, because we wanted to continue supporting the two girls by feeding them and such.  Additionally, we had purchased school supplies, clothing and other such items for the girls.  We wanted to continue doing that, but just worried that since the mom was no longer working here, she may not let the kids come here.  For a couple of weeks we did not see the girls, but after that they came back again.  We asked, and they assured us that they had their mother’s permission to be at our house.  We kept getting visits from the two girls for a month or possibly more.  Then, all of the sudden, they did not come any longer.

My wife, Feyma, told me that the girls had mentioned that they might be moving to a different place, and she assumed that because they did not come back again, they had already moved.  I missed the girls, but hoped that they were doing well.

Broken Hearted

Broken Hearted

Well, about a week ago, Feyma and I were going to the mall, and as we pulled out from our driveway, and drove about a block or so, we saw Arnie alongside the street collecting Coke bottles that she could return for a deposit refund and get some money for food.  We stopped to talk to her, and she ran away from us.  Hmm.. that is strange.  Feyma asked her why we had not seen her.  She told us that her mother told her and Irish not to go to our house any longer.  Wow, that made us feel really bad.  Feyma and I, though, immediately decided that if the Mother was not giving permission for her daughters to visit us, then we needed to respect that and not try to have contact at all with the girls anymore.  I mean, after all, we are not the parents, and the wishes of the parents must be honored.

Yesterday, Arnie came to our gate with about 4 or 5 other children.  She was wanting to come in, and I am sure she wanted some food.  We had to ignore her, because we have been told that she does not have permission to visit us, so we do not want to take her in against the wishes of her mother.  Both Feyma and I, along with our children were very sad, because we truly want to help Arnie and Irish, but do not have permission to do so.

Unless the mother expressly gives us permission to help the girls, I hope that Arnie won’t come back again.  Yesterday, she spent most of the day just waiting outside our gate.  It is not a good feeling seeing a child in need, especially a child that you have come to love in the past.  But, we cannot help those who have been forbidden to accept our help.  We are very sad about it, but what can we do.

Arnie and Irish, we do wish you the very best, and hope that your parents can provide the life that you need.

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Make yourself extraordinary

September 19, 2012 by Leave a Comment

I imagine that few of us think about this – making ourselves extraordinary.  I think that most of us, if we think about this at all, just think that “hey, I am who I am, take it or leave it.”  There is nothing wrong with that attitude, I suppose, but you can do so much better.

You can make yourself extraordinary.  You can make yourself a cut above the average guy.  And, to be honest, it’s not all that hard to do either.  If you want to do it, you can do it.  It’s up to you.

How you can make yourself extraordinary.

How can you do it?  Honestly, it’s so simple, just do a little bit more than you are doing now.  Strive for results that are a little closer to perfection.  None of us can reach perfection, but we can always get a little bit closer.  When you reach a point in what you are doing where you would usually stop and accept the results, do a little bit more.  If you do a little more consistently, people will start noticing that you are extraordinary.  You are that next step beyond being ordinary.  That is ordinary plus a little extra… when is what makes it extra-ordinary!

Extra-Ordinary

Extra-Ordinary

You know what?  When you set out to become extraordinary, the amount of extra effort or time that it takes to reach that goal is so small that you really won’t even notice.  But, you will notice the extra results that you achieve, and other people will too.  You’ll feel better that you are accomplishing more than you used to.  You’ll feel a little extra bounce in your step.  You’ll feel more satisfied.  You’ll also start to see the extraordinary things in other people too, which will improve your own life.  It’s all a circle that will help improve you, improve others around you, and improve your life.

I know, you are wondering, what parts of life should you attempt to be extraordinary?  I mean, am I talking about your family life?  Your job?  Your interaction with strangers?  My answer to these questions is easy.

YES

Yes is the answer to all of those questions.  Be extraordinary in every aspect of life.  You’ll be glad that you did, because it will be rewarding to you.  You will find that when you treat others with a little “extra” that they don’t expect, your extra effort will come back to you and other people will send more positive energy your way, and treat you in an extraordinary way too.

I try to be extraordinary.  Those who are close to me can certainly tell you that I am not always successful in that regard, but I try to reach the level of being extraordinary.  That is what I strive for – not just the ordinary, but a little extra.  When I am successful, I am very happy about that.  When I fail, it just helps me know that I didn’t go far enough with my effort, and that I should try more.

So, be extraordinary.  At a minimum, try to be extraordinary.  You will have successes and failures.  When you fail, that does not mean you are bad, or a failure, it just means that on this particular instance, you are just ordinary.  But, your “ordinary moments” will diminish with time, as you become more of a success at being extraordinary! The more you succeed, the harder you will push for me!  I know.

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Becoming open minded

September 8, 2012 by 6 Comments

Recently, I decided to begin a quest toward becoming more open minded.  I don’t think that I have been closed minded (some people may disagree with me on that), but some things happened in my life over the past few months that made me realize that becoming more open minded is a good thing.

What brought me to this realization?  Well, a big part of it had to do with seeing how closed minded some of my friends are.  Really it dawned on me that some of my friends were so closed minded that if you did not agree with their viewpoint, you were stupid, you were a bad person, or any number of other things.  This simply is not reasonable.  I mean, intelligent people can disagree on issues and that is not only healthy, but both people are still intelligent and have value.

Am I open minded?

Am I open minded?

The US Presidential election is coming up in a short time, as I write this article.  It was mostly political posturing that brought me to my conclusion that I don’t want to be closed minded, like so many others are, but open myself up to other ideas, and more importantly, to accept others who’s opinions are different than mine.  On some issues, my mind is made up, and most likely will not change, but I have no need to belittle those who have a different opinion than mine.  Nor should I, in my opinion.  Debate is healthy, and we need more of it.

However, when I look at the way that some of my friends online are acting, it turns me off so badly that I would never want to engage in a debate or even a discussion with them, because right from the get-go they have already defined those who do not agree with them as being stupid, worthless or even worse.

How does it help you win others to your side by belittling them?  Frankly, it doesn’t.

Now, if somebody states their opinion in a wise, mature manner, and does not resort to calling names and such, that is when an intelligent conversation could lead to a meeting of the minds.  It’s hard to know which side will convince the other in such a case, and it really does not mater, because if both parties have an open mind, they are willing to listen and evaluate what is being said.

Being open minded stretches way beyond politics, that is just the topic that brought the thought to my mind.

In recent years, I may have been less open minded than I am striving for, but I also was more reserved in blatantly pushing my views on others.  I might quietly share my feelings, but not push too far.  I am more interested in gaining friends and in sharing thoughts than I am in practically forcing others to accept my view.  There was a day, though, when I was pretty strident in pushing my opinions.  I think that such an attitude is more common when we are young and more opinionated.  As we age (I am 50), we tend to mellow out a bit, become more accepting of the opinions of others, and not so eager to push our own thoughts as we were when we were younger.

So, in my opinion, being more open minded is a wise thing to do.  It is healthy for us to be open minded.  What do you think?

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Talk

July 18, 2012 by 2 Comments

A lot of things in life come down to communication, friends.  If you fail to communicate, it can lead to ill feelings, misinterpretation, and ultimately to a loss of friendship or even a loss of job or other important things in your life.

When there is a problem, or if you perceive a problem, talk about it.

If you think that somebody has done something to slight you, go to that person and ask about the perceived problem.  The chances are that the person is unaware of any problem, and did not mean anything against you in whatever was said or done.  There is only one way to find out, though, and that is to talk it over with the person that you feel has said something against you.

Talk things over

Talk things over

As I said, I feel that the odds are that you have misunderstood what was said, that it was not against you at all.  But, even if it was something against you, if you talk about it, perhaps you can iron out the issue, figure out what the problem is, and take care of it.  Worst case scenario, you cannot work it out, and you have to walk away from the conversation having lost a friend.  In that case, at least you know exactly where things stand.

If you feel you have been slighted and you don’t talk with the person about it, you will really never know exactly what was said, why it was said, and you will never have an opportunity to work it out.  In fact, you will harbor ill feelings toward that person for the rest of your life, or at least until the time comes when you decide to sit down and talk it over.

So, really, if you want to avoid ill feelings, just talk it out.  Your friend will appreciate you making the effort to iron out any potential problem, so just do it!

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Helping others sometimes has consequences

July 4, 2012 by 22 Comments

A couple of months ago, I wrote an article here on Habits for Smart People about Helping Others.  I have always enjoyed doing charitable things to help others, but in the past 5 years or so, I have gotten much more interested in doing such things.  I have found that helping others, especially those who are in dire need, is very fulfilling to me, and rewarding too.

This particular story started about 2 months ago, during May.  It is fairly normal here in the Philippines that people will come up to your gate and ask for things, or try to sell you things.  Normally, we just ignore such things, as you just don’t know what they will do with the money – drinking, drugs and such.  We prefer to find people whom we know for sure need the money for food and daily life.  But, one day back in May, two young girls cam to our gate.  They were asking for things like bottles, cans and such, anything that they could sell for recycling to get some money to help their family.  These girls, Arnie and Irish, were 6 years old and 9 years old.  They were very poor, dirty and obviously not cared for.  We felt really bad for them, and my kids invited them inside our gate.  The kids gave them some food and drinks and talked with them.  While Arnie and Irish were here, my wife got home from her grocery shopping.  She met Arnie and Irish, and then the girls left to continue trying to scavenge anything that would help bring them a few pesos.  My wife wrote an article about this on another of our websites, the article is called Our Unexpected Company.

Irish having an ice cream cone

Irish having an ice cream cone

In the weeks that have followed, Feyma and I welcomes Arnie and Irish to the house on many occasions.  They visited almost daily before school started for a new year, and now they have been visiting on weekends.  We always feed them, let them have a shower here and they play with our kids.  They are really nice little girls, and we enjoy having them visit.  During this time, we have also come to know the girls’ mother, Faye.  Faye had been working a few days a week for several different people, she has been washing clothes for them.  We offered Faye a job here at our house, and she accepted it.  Faye is a pretty slow worker, but we accepted that, because what we really wanted to do was help her children, as we had come to care for the kids.  Over the past month or so, we have done a lot to help the kids.  We even took them to the dentist and had all of their teeth fixed, since we found out that the kids had been experiencing some pretty severe toothaches.  We had (with the help of some donations from readers) purchased all of their school supplies for the new school year – books, pencils, etc and also school uniforms.  They were really set up for the new school year, probably better set than ever in their lives.

Bob and Arnie

Bob and Arnie

This past week, Faye’s husband came here to our house to talk to his wife.  I don’t know what the discussion was all about, but he was yelling at Faye, and I could tell that she was quite embarrassed by the incident.  Later, perhaps it was the next day, I don’t recall for sure, Arnie (the 9 year old girl) came here to the house.  She was crying and told us that she and her sister had no food for school lunch.  We were surprised, because the salary that we were paying her mother should have more than provided three good meals per day for the family.  While Arnie was crying, she told us that they had no money for food, because her father used all of the money to buy alcohol, and he was drinking heavily.  Some will say that the child was being used to try to get more money, but I don’t think that is the case.  I think that what Arnie said was true, but perhaps I am naive.

Later in the day, Faye told us that her husband didn’t want her to work here anymore, because he wanted her to be at the house.  So, Faye is no longer with us.

This situation really makes me sad, because it was our intention to help these young children, and give them an opportunity to get a good education and hopefully a better life.  I am not sure if they will still come and visit on the weekend or not… we shall see in a few more days whether they show up or not.  I hope they do, and I would still like to at least provide lunch money for them (and devise a way that the father won’t use the money to continue his boozing).

Sometimes, doing the right thing can lead to being hurt in the longrun.  I still think it’s a good thing to help others, but it is not all happiness and joy.  Sometimes you have to see the darker side of the situation.

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Try something new

June 13, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Do you ever feel like you are in a rut.  Kind of always doing the same thing?  Maybe you are caught up eating the same types of food all the time.  Maybe you go to the same restaurant.  Maybe you do the same thing for entertainment, day in and day out.  We all need some variety, a change now and then.  I’m sure you’ve heard the old saying… variety is the spice of life.  Doing the same things over and over is bland, and we all need a bit of spice!

What kinds of things can you do for a change?  Well, it all depends on you!  What have you secretly been wanting to do?  What did you used to enjoy doing, but have gotten out of the habit?

There are lots of things you can try, or do again after a long absense.  Here are a few things that I can think of off the top of my head:

  • Take a trip to someplace you have not visited before
  • Go to a new restaurant that you have never visited
  • Cook a style of food that you have never tried before
  • Go to the park, to the zoo, or someplace that you have not visited in ages
  • Meet a new friend
  • Contact an old friend whom you’ve been out of touch with

All of these things are easy to do, but will shake up your life a bit, give you a new experience, etc.

You just never know, you might try something new, and like it so much, that you work it into your life on a regular basis.

Give it a try!

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Walking is good in more ways than one

May 2, 2012 by 3 Comments

Getting exercise is important for our bodies.  Walking is an excellent way of getting that exercise.

I usually go out and get in some walking time about 4 or 5 days per week.  Walking is something that I truly enjoy doing.

Not only is walking easy to do, but there are so many benefits that come from walking.  If you have issues like arthritis or other types of health issues, the nice thing about walking is that it is relatively low impact, and most anybody can do it.  You don’t have to be a big “workout” person or really strain yourself.  Depending on your level of health, you can do a higher impact exercise by “power walking,” which would be faster and more active.  If you are not up to that, just do a bit of a stroll around your neighborhood.

Walking is good

Walking is good

What are some of the benefits of walking?

  • Getting to know your neighborhood better
  • Meeting neighbors and making new friends along your route
  • Makes you feel good!
  • Some “alone time” where you can reflect and think about things

Of course, there are other benefits, especially benefits to your health.  I find that when I walk, I physically feel better.  If I miss a few days of walking, I don’t feel as good.

If you do miss some walking sessions, it can be hard to get back on track.  I mean, if you were to miss walking for a couple of weeks, you may find that you have become lethargic, or just plan lazy.  Maybe because you have not done your walking, you are not feeling so well, and that becomes an excuse to not walk.

I’m not feeling so well today, so maybe I’ll just walk tomorrow.

Problem is, tomorrow you won’t feel well either.  If you get out of the habit of exercising, like walking, you have to literally force yourself to do it again, and when you do, you will start feeling better.

Try to do a little walking and see if you don’t feel better!  I know that I do.

Want to make your walking a little more fun?  Try these tips:

  • Get an MP3 player so you can listen to music, books on tape or some other entertainment while walking
  • Bring along a water bottle so that you can stay refreshed
  • Try to vary your routes so that you see new things, and new places often
  • Talk to people that you encounter along the way, you never know when you’ll meet a great new friend
Filed Under: Being Smart, Feature, Good Habits, Health Habits Tagged With:
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