Over the past 6 months or so, I have written on this site and some of my other websites about Arnie and Irish.  Arnie and Irish are two young girls that we befriended some months back.  You can find my story about them here on Habits for Smart People, by going to Helping others sometimes has consequences.  Basically, Arnie and Irish came to our house one day looking for recyclable materials that they could sell and make a bit of money so they could buy some food to eat.

Arnie is 9 years old and Irish is 6.  They both look to be about half of their age, due to malnutrition, and general neglect.  Their family has no money.  They have told us that if they are lucky they get to eat a small amount of rice once per day, but no other foods.

Irish enjoying ice cream

After the girls came to our house looking for things they could sell, my wife and kids befriended them.  They invited the girls inside and gave them some food to eat.  The girls started coming back here regularly, because we fed them.  It was on their second visit that I met them, and really fell in love with them.  Soon after meeting them, we were able to get ahold of their mom, and we gave the mother a job, working at our house.  That lasted only a short time, the mother ended up quitting her job here.

It was after the mother quit working that I wrote my previous article, and at the time we were unsure if we would see the girls again.  We hoped that we would, because we wanted to continue supporting the two girls by feeding them and such.  Additionally, we had purchased school supplies, clothing and other such items for the girls.  We wanted to continue doing that, but just worried that since the mom was no longer working here, she may not let the kids come here.  For a couple of weeks we did not see the girls, but after that they came back again.  We asked, and they assured us that they had their mother’s permission to be at our house.  We kept getting visits from the two girls for a month or possibly more.  Then, all of the sudden, they did not come any longer.

My wife, Feyma, told me that the girls had mentioned that they might be moving to a different place, and she assumed that because they did not come back again, they had already moved.  I missed the girls, but hoped that they were doing well.

Broken Hearted

Well, about a week ago, Feyma and I were going to the mall, and as we pulled out from our driveway, and drove about a block or so, we saw Arnie alongside the street collecting Coke bottles that she could return for a deposit refund and get some money for food.  We stopped to talk to her, and she ran away from us.  Hmm.. that is strange.  Feyma asked her why we had not seen her.  She told us that her mother told her and Irish not to go to our house any longer.  Wow, that made us feel really bad.  Feyma and I, though, immediately decided that if the Mother was not giving permission for her daughters to visit us, then we needed to respect that and not try to have contact at all with the girls anymore.  I mean, after all, we are not the parents, and the wishes of the parents must be honored.

Yesterday, Arnie came to our gate with about 4 or 5 other children.  She was wanting to come in, and I am sure she wanted some food.  We had to ignore her, because we have been told that she does not have permission to visit us, so we do not want to take her in against the wishes of her mother.  Both Feyma and I, along with our children were very sad, because we truly want to help Arnie and Irish, but do not have permission to do so.

Unless the mother expressly gives us permission to help the girls, I hope that Arnie won’t come back again.  Yesterday, she spent most of the day just waiting outside our gate.  It is not a good feeling seeing a child in need, especially a child that you have come to love in the past.  But, we cannot help those who have been forbidden to accept our help.  We are very sad about it, but what can we do.

Arnie and Irish, we do wish you the very best, and hope that your parents can provide the life that you need.

I believe that helping others is something that is very good for you.  Of course, it helps the person to whom you offer assistance, but it also helps you.

How does it help you?

Well from experience, it gives you a feeling of well being.  It helps you realize how lucky you are with the things that you have.  I makes you appreciate life more.  All in all, believe me, it is a good thing for you to help others.

Of course, like all of us, I have helped people all of my life.  Most of that time, though, I have helped others in a very half-hazard way.  I helped when it was convenient to me.  I helped when something really needed to be done and caught my attention. I never really just helped for the sake of helping, though.

About a decade ago, though, my wife and I, on Christmas Eve, decided to do something to make our Christmas more special.  We decided to do something special for strangers, not just for our family.

We gave this man some food for Christmas

We went out and bought a lot of food items – everything from hamburgers from McDonald to bottles of juice.  Christmas candy to snacks, and such.  In later years, we even bought things like pork, chicken and other foods that the people could enjoy with their families on Christmas.

After purchasing a LOT of stuff, we put it in our car and just started driving around the city and giving the stuff out to homeless people, and others who were obviously poor.  Do you know what?  Because of what we did, it was the best Christmas I had ever experienced.

One year, when we did this, we went out in a very remote area in the mountains.  We saw an old lady walking along the road, obviously very poor.  We stopped and gave her a bag of food that she could use to prepare a Christmas feast for her loved ones.  When we did, she was astonished, she looked at me and said:

I don’t know what we would have done if you had not shown up.  You are an angel.  We ran out of money yesterday, and also have no food.

It honestly brought tears to my eyes, and I have never forgotten the lady.  By doing something for her, I was helping myself, because I felt so good.

In fact, I am somewhat ashamed to admit this, but in doing this year after year, I am really doing it for myself, not others.  It is a selfish thing to say, but I like the feeling that I get when I help others.

Our kids really enjoy visiting the orphanage

More recently, my family and I have been visiting an orphanage not far from where we live.  The place has somewhere between 50 to 100 children who live there.  Some have medical problems.  Others are only there because their parents cannot afford to care for them.  I really enjoy visiting those kids, because it is so obvious that the children are starved for attention and affection.  If you just pick up the small kids and hold them for a few minutes, you can see the good feeling that they get.  Sometimes it is sad, because the kids don’t want you to put them down.  But, you have to put them down eventually, there are so many other kids who want a few minutes of attention too.

Helping others is therapeutic.  It makes you feel good.  It makes you understand that your problems are really so small compared to what others are facing.

Try it.  I am certain that you will come away with pure joy, as I have.