Friendship and Family Ties

I came from a family of five.  I was the oldest of my parent’s children.  I had a younger sister, two years younger than me, and a brother who is 5 years younger than I am.  Back in 1979, at the age of just 15, my sister, Charlotte, was killed in an auto accident.   She was hit by a drunk driver.  By chance, I was driving home from my after-school job, and I happened to come upon the accident that killed my sister.  The loss was devastating to me.  For many years, I could not even talk about my sister’s death without breaking down into tears.  It was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life.

About five years ago, a close friend of mine got into a deep conversation with me about this event that had traumatized me many years ago.  I really broke down during the conversation, and it took me several days to recover from the talk.  But, when I did recover from that conversation, I found that I was in a different place in relation to the death of my sister.  I had finally, after about 25 years, been able to face the experience and move on from it.  Now, I can talk about my sister without breaking down, and I am able to think of my fond memories with her.  It was really a ground breaking event when my friend helped me through the pain at long last.

Not long after this ground breaking conversation, I began taking language lessons to learn Cebuano, the language most widely spoken in the area where I live in the Philippines.  Just the other day I wrote about my language learning and it’s effect on my life.  My language teacher/coach is a nice lady named Bebe Metillo.  I was introduced to Bebe by a mutual friend, a reader of another of my websites.  Over the past 4 years or so, Bebe and I have become very close.  I don’t even feel that Bebe is a friend, she is more like family to me.  After all, we have had a close relationship for about 4 years already.  In fact, when I describe Bebe to people, I always say that I feel that she is a sister to me.  I also enjoy Bebe’s family, especially her children.  I feel a real sense of kinship with Bebe and her entire family.  Not only am I close to Bebe, but my wife, Feyma, is very close to her as well.

Left to Right:  Chris (my oldest son), Bebe Metillo and Me!

Left to Right: Chris (my oldest son), Bebe Metillo and Me!

As I write this article, this morning I got a phone call from my Mom in the States.  Although we live half a world apart, my Mom and I talk on the phone almost daily, via Skype.  Mom called this morning because she had come upon a thought earlier in the day.  My Mom recently took a class about grieving, and thus that is something that has been on her mind lately.  When my Mom called earlier, she told me that she had come to the realization that she thinks that because I was able to deal with my sister’s death, that is why I have such a close relationship with Bebe.  She feels that Bebe truly filled the void that my sister left in my life, and that Bebe really is a sister to me.

Bob and Bebe on Samal Island

Bob and Bebe on Samal Island

You know, I had never thought of it that way.  I knew that I felt good about having finally put my sister’s death behind me.  I knew that I considered Bebe as a sister.  But, I never realized that perhaps the two things were related.  But, after hearing my Mother tell me that, and having more time to think it over, I really believe that Mom hit the nail on the head.  Feeling of Bebe as a sister is more than just words to me, it is my true feeling in my heart, and I do now believe that Bebe has filled that void in my heart.

My time with Bebe over the years has been really fulfilling to me.  Having learned a new language is not something I thought I could accomplish, but I did it, and I am so happy with that accomplishment.  But, I always say that it was because of Bebe that I was able to accomplish that.  Bebe is a great teacher, and did exactly the things I needed to accomplish the learning of a new language.  For that, I am very grateful to Bebe, and always will be.  Having Bebe as a sister, though, is worth even more to me.

I love Bebe, and now I think I understand why.  Having close friends, and especially family is a great thing in life, and a great habit.  I am a lucky man.

Rewards from Everyday Living

A few weeks ago, I was laid up for a bit with a serious infection in my leg.  Under my doctor’s orders, I had to spend most of my time off of my feet.  I ended up watching a lot of TV during that time, even though it really drove me crazy just sitting around.

One day, while surfing the channels, I came across a TV show from Celebrity Chef Rick Bayless.  I have been familiar with Rick Bayless for some time.  He is an expert in cooking Mexican food, and an all around cool guy, in my opinion.  From 1980 through 1986, Rick lived in Mexico to learn more about the culture and cooking of Mexico.  These days, Rick has a restaurant in Chicago called Frontera Grill, and other Frontera restaurants around the country as well.  Additionally, Rick has a TV show about Mexican culture and food called Mexico: One Plate at a Time.  This is the show that I caught a couple weeks ago, and to be honest it is the only episode of the show I have ever seen.  While watching the show, I learned that Rick is fluent in Spanish.

Rick Bayless - Expert in Mexican Food

Rick Bayless - Expert in Mexican Food

For those who don’t know me through my other websites, I am an American, but I have been living in the Philippines for about 11 years now.  About 4 years ago, I decided to learn to speak the language here.  There are many languages used in the Philippines.  There are two “official languages”: Tagalog and English.  But, if you get out and away from Manila, the number of languages grows a lot.  Here in the area where I live (the Southern Philippines) the most widely spoken language is Cebuano, so when I decided to learn the language, I decided to learn Cebuano, since it is the most useful in the area where I live.  Since I’ve been studying for nearly 4 years now, I am fairly fluent in the language.  Not perfect, but I can carry on a good conversation with the local people.

While watching Rick’s TV show, I saw where he would go to little out of the way restaurants in Mexico.  Not to the “tourist” places, rather to restaurants that only the locals knew about.  Many of the places he went to were street vendors.  Rick would go up to the vendors and cooks and speak in fluent Spanish to them, asking about the food, their cooking methods and such.  I sat there really enjoying watching him interact with the local people in their language.  I was thinking how important it is to learn the language if you are in a different country, and thinking how cool it was for him to be able to interact in the local language like that.  After a few minutes it dawned on me that I do exactly the same thing.  Any time that I go out around town, I only speak in Cebuano.

I made my shopping list in Cebuano

I made my shopping list in Cebuano

A few days later, I decided that I wanted to mimic what Rick did and just have a fun day out on the town, and experience the Philippine culture.  I decided to cook a local dish for my lunch.  My first step, though, would be to buy my ingredients, go to the local market for that, ride only local transportation, and so on.  First thing I did was to make a list of ingredients.  I even wrote out my list in Cebuano.  I rode a jeepney (local mode of transport) to the open air market for my ingredients.  I had fun speaking with the vendors there, asking them about their offerings, how to cook a certain dish, etc.  It was really a lot of fun.  I did come home and cook my food, using local style and flavors too.  What a great day, and a lot of fun that I experienced.

Learning a new language is not an easy task, but it is worth your time!  If you are going to travel to, and especially spend significant time in a different country, try to learn the language, at least enough to speak a few sentences.  You will find that the rewards of doing so are great.  The local people will appreciate it so much, and you will have a lot more fun on your trip, or your new home.

Learning a language is a good habit too.  It stimulates your mind.  It makes you feel part of the society where you live.  It’s a good thing!  Give it a try!

Language Learning

Learning is something that is good for us.  It is good for our brain to engage it regularly.  In modern life, a lot of activities that many of us engage in do not really stimulate our brain very much, so it is important that we actively seek out activities that really exercise our brain.

Think of your brain like a muscle.  When you go to the gym, or engage in exercise of some kind, your muscles become more toned, they develop, they get stronger.  If you are a smart person, your brain has the ability to develop and learn things.  However, you must exercise your brain in order for it to get the maximum benefit, and for it to be able to learn more.

About 2 years ago, I started learning a new language.  The language that I am learning is not a well known language, but it is the primary language where I live.  I am an American, and I live in the Southern Philippines.  I have lived here for nearly a decade already.  But, up until about 2 years ago, I did not make a serious effort to learn the language here.  Many people here can speak enough English to get by, so I did not motivate myself to learn the language widely spoken here, which is called Bisaya.

This is me with my language teacher, Bebe

This is me with my language teacher, Bebe

I have a teacher who comes and gives me lessons once per week at my house.  She is an excellent teacher.  I did make two earlier attempts at learning the language, but I was not motivated enough and did not go beyond the very elementary stages of learning the language.  Now, though, with the right attitude, a willingness to learn, and the proper teacher, I am nearly fluent in the language.  I can carry on a fairly in depth conversation in the Bisayan language, and feel fairly comfortable in doing so.

The point to this, though, is that learning a language has really changed my way of thinking.  It has opened my mind to new ideas, not only ideas about the language itself, but the way that I think about the culture here has also changed for the better.  I am more open to accepting things that would normally be outside my box.  Getting outside your box, while challenging, is also a stimulant in itself.  Allowing your brain to think differently, and notice things that you would normally dismiss with only minimal recognition is a great habit to get into.  It helps you not only discover new things about the world and about yourself, but it also re-invents who you are in many ways.

Over the past couple of years, I have mostly learned through studying.  Reading books about the rules of the language.  Studying lists of vocabulary words, and memorizing them.  Some words have been tough to learn, and I have had to resort to tricks to make my mind remember.  For example, the Bisaya word for “farm” is “uma.”  I had a hard time remembering that.  Then, I told myself that Uma Thurman, the actress, lives on a farm.  I have no idea if she really does, I kind of doubt she does.  But, it was just a trick that helped me remember that “Uma” was “Farm.”  So, playing these little tricks helped my brain pick up on these various things that I was trying to learn.

Now, after a year and a half or so of “book learning” I started feeling comfortable enough in the language that I decided to try to use the language as much as possible when I was out in public.  I even make special trips to stores and to the public market specifically for the purpose of spending a few hours talking to people in their language.

Actually using the language in regular, normal conversation gave my mind a new way to learn!  Not only was I studying from a book, but I was picking up on the way the real people spoke in real day to day life.  Real spoken language is not always the exact same thing as language in a book!  By taking on this new way of learning, I found that I was easily learning concepts that I could never properly remember when I was just reading a book!  There were several key breakthroughs that came to me this way.  I knew these things from the book, but always had trouble remembering them when needed.  But, after just a few uses in regular spoken language, these became very natural to me.

So, my experience in learning the language has given my mind a new exercise that it was not used to.  Just like if you added sit-ups to your morning exercise routine, you started using a new muscle, learning the language, and doing so by different methods has exercised different parts of my brain that were probably pretty dormant before.  It’s a good feeling to see development happening in my brain, and how that manifests itself in my daily life.

Exercise your brain!  Force it to go outside the box!  I think you’ll be happy that you did it.  I know I am!